


your heart, for all the long years of your life, has been beating in the dark.

by wordsmith_kari



Category: Magnum P.I. (TV 2018)
Genre: But pretty close, F/M, Fluff, For Me, Higgins introspective, Higgins loves Magnum, Home, I WILL NOT APOLOGIZE, I really needed Magnum to call Higgins Boss Lady, Mutual Pining, Pining, Post-Episode: s02e20 A Leopard on the Prowl, Probably Not!, Purple Prose, and is projecting a bit, and that is good enough for now, and those feelings are returned, and thus this was born, is this realistic?, not quite a getting together fic, second love, the author is homesick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:01:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24305557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordsmith_kari/pseuds/wordsmith_kari
Summary: Morning dawns in Hawaii, and Juliet is home.
Relationships: Juliet Higgins/Thomas Sullivan Magnum IV
Comments: 15
Kudos: 162





	your heart, for all the long years of your life, has been beating in the dark.

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from "Anatomy" by Gabbie Hanna.

Juliet blinked her eyes open and, snuggled into her comforter, basked in the sunrise streaming in through her window. Twenty-four hours ago, she had woken exactly the same, but with an alarm blaring and a stone of dread in her stomach. At that moment, she'd been sure the next time she woke up she would be in a posh but impersonal hotel room, staring out the window at a foggy cityscape. Her clothing, packed neatly into suitcases, would have been too bright or too thin or too loose or too skin-baring for the weather. If she sat for breakfast in the dining room, it would be assumed she wanted tea.

She smiled. She was home, and she never had to leave if she didn't want to.

She chose to enjoy it a few minutes longer before going leisurely through her morning routine. She indulged in her softest skirt, her favorite wedges, extra time playing with the lads after filling their bowls. She started to make coffee, but reconsidered.

She could have breakfast anywhere. She made her way down to the guest house.

"Higgy!" Magnum was shirtless and squinting into the sunlight, his eyes red-rimmed and his hair uncombed. But his smile was warm. "Coffee?"

"That would be lovely," she said, following him inside.

As he poured the mugs, he said, "Rick throws a hell of a party, doesn't he?"

"It was a bit much," she admitted. "But very sweet."

She sunk into the couch like she belonged there. The mug he handed her fit perfectly within her palms, the warmth of the ceramic soothing to her skin. She breathed in the scent of it - rich and fruity, with just a hint of jasmine. A local blend then.

"Yeah, well. He's really glad you're staying." He settled into the armchair across from her. "We all are."

She raised an eyebrow over her mug. "Even if it means I'm your boss now?"

"Technically..."

"Not technically," she said. "Actually."

"All right then, Boss Lady," he said, leaning forward to set his mug on the table between them. He'd already half-drained it, and now he balanced his elbows on his knees. "What's on the docket today?"

She took her first sip, closing her eyes as the warmth slid down her throat. Of course he'd made it exactly the way she liked it.

There was a time when this silence between them would have been unbearable, when she would have rushed to fill the air between them or urged him to find something, _anything_ to do with himself. She knew him better now. She knew he was unhurried and living for the moment in ways she was only starting to practice. And yet, she knew he would spring into action and get her hands dirty the moment it was warranted.

He was watching her when she opened her eyes again, not expectant but waiting for her cue. She crossed her legs, ready to get down to business. "I thought we could continue your training with the lads."

His brow furrowed for just a moment, somewhere between confusion and concern.

"They are technically guard dogs and, as head of security, that should fall under your purview."

He relaxed slightly, but still seemed to be holding his breath. "Whether you're here or not?"

There was a quip on her tongue, but his face reflected the same guarded ache she'd seen on the beach, when he'd been so sure they would be separated for good. She couldn't tease him about that.

"Don't be silly. I'm still Alpha. But based on previous experience, I believe it would be useful for you to be able to command them, in case there's trouble while I'm out or ill or..." She groaned at the memory. " _Incapacitated."_

"Yeah," he said, smiling, the tension leaving his shoulders. "That makes sense. When should we..."

"After lunch?" She smirked. "Gives you time to deal with that little hangover of yours."

He winced. "Noticed that, huh?"

"I know you, Magnum."

He chuckled and stood, gesturing towards her cup. "Refill?"

"Yes please."

She followed him to the kitchen, sitting at the counter as he refilled her mug. She let her mind wander as he pulled eggs and bacon from the fridge.

He'd snuck up on her, for sure. First he'd been a thorn in her side, then a leech, and then, surprisingly, a friend.

She hadn't known what to do with that at first. It had been a while since she'd had one - even considering Robin more an ally than anything else, afraid to ask for too much in fear of alienating him.

She could _handle_ allies. They didn't do things for her, but for a cause they had in common. Now she had Rick, who threw a massive going away party and an even bigger one to celebrate her staying. She had Kumu, who told her the truth of things but was always on her side regardless. She had T.C., who always asked her to dance and was willing to step blindly into danger the moment she needed him. She had Gordon, who might voice his disapproval of the illegality of it all but went against his training to support her anyway.

And she had Thomas. Thomas, who promised to take care of the lads, even though he hated them. Who could read when something was wrong but let her tell him herself. Who did literally everything he could think of, down to calling in favor after favor, to help her keep her home. Who always encouraged her to put herself out there but still, somehow, respected her boundaries.

"I'm glad you aren't going anywhere," he said, starting the eggs. "But do you ever miss it?"

"London?"

"Yeah."

She didn't have to think about it. "Of course I do. Sometimes."

He was nodding as he cooked, and she could tell he was listening despite the fact that he wasn't looking at her at all. Which was good, since she wasn't sure she could mask her expression as she scrambled for words to explain.

How could she make him understand just how _wrong_ she felt growing up there? Like she was watching her schoolmates through a glass, unable to quite connect the way everyone else seemed to. How much effort it had taken to finally build a persona she could live with that allowed her to navigate her teenage years and finally find a place. How, from the outside, it looked like she fit in just fine, but she was always waiting for the day they discovered her falsehood and sent her packing.

She shook her head. Those were old wounds, wounds that had been made worthwhile when her abilities had gotten her hand-picked for MI6. Wounds that had scarred over when she became an adult and re-christened London in her own way.

Now there was only one wound that mattered.

"But it hasn't been _home_ since Richard died," she finally said, biting her lip. "Honestly, I...I didn't think anywhere would be home again. So when I thought I would have to leave..."

She swallowed against the lump in her throat, unable to describe how frightened she'd been. How she finally felt like she didn't just fit, she _belonged,_ and taking her away would have left broken pieces of herself in the Juliet-shaped hole she was leaving behind. Magnum, reading her silence, turned his body to face her while still stirring the eggs.

"We weren't letting you go without a fight."

She was grateful when he turned back to begin plating, as she started to tear up. She tried to blink them back, but her eyes were taking orders from her heart, which was full to bursting and no longer listening to her.

Juliet didn't fall in love with Richard so much as walk into it. Growing up in the shadow of the world's most tragic romantic heroine, she decided young that she would make her own destiny. For most of her life, that meant choosing friends carefully and crafting her role in the group and avoiding meaningful romantic entanglements at all costs.

But the life of a spy was lonely, so she chose to find someone to share it with. Richard was a good man, who made her laugh and put her at ease in ways no one else could. Besides, MI6 said "no outside attachments," she followed the letter of the law if not the spirit of it.

Juliet loved Richard on purpose, but that didn't make it any less magical. He'd made her feel safe and loved and valued, not just for what she could do, but for who she was. For the first time, she could see a future beyond her duty, a life she chose not because it was right, but simply because she wanted it.

When she lost him, her future went with him. All she could do was live, day by day, and guard herself so she never felt that much pain again. She would need companionship - she didn't want to be lonely again either - but love was off the table.

And then Thomas showed up.

Initially, she'd seen him as an overgrown child, easily distracted and always playing. Then she'd discovered how intelligent he actually was, how good, how far he was willing to go to help a stranger, how loyal he was to his friends. How gentle he was with her when she made a mistake. How much effort he put into considering her feelings. Rash and impetuous, sure, but always with the best of intentions.

She hadn't been able to stop herself. In fact, she hadn't even known it was happening.

Just as Magnum was setting the plate in front of her, she noticed her hands were trembling. She took a few deep breaths and smiled, standing.

"Thank you, but I really should be-"

"Juliet," he sighed, his hand still on the plate but his eyes locked on hers. She swallowed hard, straining to keep her expression neutral. But seeing his, vulnerable and tired, made her heart ache.

"I would have married you," he said, voice deep and thick with emotion. She smiled, nodding.

"I know. I know, Magnum. And I can't begin to tell you-"

He shook his head, knowing she was thanking him again. Knowing that wasn't the point. "No, I..." He kept the counter between them like a shield. "At first, it was just to help you out, but the closer it got, the more I realized...it was actually pretty selfish. I just...couldn't stand the thought of you being gone."

She smirked to disguise how touched she was. "Yes, Gordon did say you confessed to being useless without me."

He chuckled. "Yeah, you definitely make me better at my job. It's why I asked you to be my partner. And I would hate to give that up, but if that's what it took to keep you here, it still would have been worth it."

She hadn't been lying when she told the lads how fragile he was, and she thought it might make him the bravest man she knew. It never stopped him from opening himself up.

It made her feel like she could be brave too.

"Not to me," she whispered, and saw his face fall before rushing onwards. "Our partnership - our _friendship_ \- is very important to me, and I didn't want to strain that with dishonesty. Or risk your livelihood. Gordon was right: if we were caught, you could lose your license, and then where would you be?"

"I tried to tell you: all of those things could be figured out. As long as you were _here,_ we were gonna work it out."

She swallowed roughly, unable to meet his eyes. "I know. I _know._ But also...Thomas, you're such a romantic. You have _so_ much love in you, and I couldn't be the one to stop you from finding someone to give that love back to you. I couldn't."

Higgins had thought nothing would ever surprise her more than "We could get married," but what came out of him now beat it.

He laughed.

"No offense, Higgy," he said, coming around the counter to face her properly. "But I don't think you know me as well as you think you do."

She rolled her eyes. "Are you going to tell me you aren't a hopeless romantic?"

"No," he granted with a tilt of his head. "You got that part right."

"Then what-"

He took a step closer, raising an eyebrow as he invaded her space. "Juliet," he said firmly, his hands gently cupping her elbows.

Her breath hitched.

"Think about it this way: I was willing to call in favors from Noshimuri...Robin...but when T.C. stepped up to help, I...kinda threw a fit."

"I assumed-" She swallowed. "I assumed it was a wounded ego. Yours is remarkably fragile."

He shook his head, conceding the point. "I tried to sell that to Rick and T.C. last night, but they weren't buying it. It got me thinking..." His smile was teasing but his eyes were serious. "We've come a long way, Higgy."

"We have," she agreed slowly, her eyes narrowing. "But I think...we've got a little further to go."

Nodding, he took a step back, holding his arms up in surrender.

With another man, that may have been the end of it. Or he may have doubled down and needled her until she said yes. But while Thomas could tease her relentlessly and push her in ways no one else did, she knew what he was going to say before he said it.

"I'm here. When you're ready."

On the surface, he was nothing like Richard. But deep down, he was just as good, just as steady.

Hawaii was nothing like London, but there was room in her heart for both. And while London was the past, and she couldn't say for sure what her future was, Hawaii was her present. She was going to take her time. She was going to enjoy it.

She stepped forward and briefly kissed his cheek, his gaze on her like sun kissing her skin. "I know patience isn't your virtue, Magnum," she teased. "I'll try not to make you wait too long." She meant it.

"Whatever it takes," he said, and he meant it too.

The future had been nothing but darkness for so long, but it was starting to take a bright, fluid shape, like a wave coming slowly to meet her. Or maybe the present was just shining a light on her path. Yes, she liked that image. She didn't have to see where, exactly, the light was leading. She just had to keep moving towards it.

"One o'clock," she said, making her way back through the living room. "Main house. Don't be late."

"Yes ma'am."

As she shut the front door behind her, she stepped off the porch and into the yard. Across the grounds, Kumu caught her eyes as she walked leisurely across the beach. She waved and Juliet, grinning, waved back.

She'd buried her heart away when Richard died, unwilling to hurt like that again. But with her family at her side, maybe it would be all right to expose its tender recesses to the sun once again.


End file.
